It’s almost….here;

21 05 2012




One, two, three, FOUR.

“Uhm, you’re repeating yourself”

I KNOW. That’s because there’s only 4 DAYS LEFT Of high school and then I’m done! For good. I can’t wait! Oh the excitement! You wouldn’t understand though, you’re just letters.

“Wow, ass”



Anyways; The reasons as to why I’m so ecstatic are:

-No more drug addicts! (Which also includes, no more argument about legalizing marijuana, no more terrible smells, no one trying to sell me things, no more sheriffs wandering around, and no more people trying to tell me the world is square, OH! And no more people talking about sex in disgusting manors)


-No more DRAMA. (Which includes, no more pregnant teens trying to rally someone up because they talked to their “baby daddy”, no more trashy girls, no more duck faces, no more pointless arguing, not hearing the words, “She ratchet!, Oh hell naw, Uh she gross, BITCH!, etc”, and no more hair pulling.

-No more annoying couples! (Which means, no more minute breakups!, no more obnoxious arguing and having to pick a side, no more “I love you so muchhh!” after three days, no more making out in the hallways, no more “Oh my sweety and I are going to get married (:” Even though you’re cheating on him,)

“DAMN, didn’t you like anything? You rotten kid..”

Of course! I mean..I’ll miss my friends, and my senior class, and my teachers; I’ll miss the lounge, and our pranks and jokes. But I mean seriously, I’m sick of the constant 8 hour school day.

I know I’ll have to deal with some of the things I mentioned in real life, but at least I won’t be locked with them in a building for 8 consecutive hours.   -_-”




I’ll prove to you that the heart does more than pump blood;

3 04 2012

I’m here in Chemistry class trying to go about understanding this “Disorderly order of chaos” theory and I can’ t help but listen to the conversation to my left;
Two things came to my mind as I listened; First one was “Wow, come on; finish your lab, this conversation doesn’t belong to you; STOP listening!”

My second thought was “Ridiculous, really? That’s the most romantic thing you’ve done?”

Two girls and one guy are to my left, and the guy is going on about how he gave his ex-girlfriend roses on their first date. How it’s the most romantic thing he’s ever done.  Right away I’m aware that he’s trying to pick one of the girls to take out tonight; The whole conversation made me laugh

“Yeah, she was surprised; I guess I’m just that kind of guy; Tough on the outside but I’ve got this love side…Deeper than the ocean”

Really? You give me a bad name. But He got me thinking; What’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever done?

I can’t decide, I’ve done a lot; Although, I think one might take a high spot.

In my last relationship, I drew up a comic of our entire relationship and I hung it up on his wall in order. We went out to eat that night and when we got home, I had his parents ask him to go to the store by himself; It gave me enough time to hang up the entire comic. I handpick the petals off a few white gardenia’s I had bought so I could lay them on the floor. His parents than left to go out to dinner and when he got back home he found the house empty and dark; I was sitting on the stairs when he found me. I had him sit down with me. I reminded him that this was the place where he had asked me out. He smiled and kissed me than I took him upstairs to his room. He was surprised and couldn’t stop smiling. It was lovely. (:

I guess giving roses could be the most romantic thing someone does; it’s just the thought and meaning behind them. It can be a simple poem or just a single object. I’m guessing that’s why we’re less romantic now. We all envision Romantics doing drastic things, we forget that it can be simple; heartfelt.

What’s the most romantic thing you’ve done?

Alone with my thoughts;

2 04 2012

He wanted to join the Marines; He wanted to say he was a Marine; He wanted to be strong for me; He wanted to be a Marine.

I find myself thinking constantly over this; He wanted to join and he had it all planned out. He would graduate and then enlist when I started school, so we would finish around the same time. He’d be back home for my graduation; Afterwards he’d be sent to the ROTC program at Purdue and I could study there; after 2 years I’d go study wherever he was sent and eventually we would tie the knot. It’d be a lovely ending.

Problem? He Couldn’t Be A Marine.

Physically he could; He had the strength and the endurance; He was strong..;

 Mentally he couldn’t; He was on depression medicine and he wasn’t fit for the core; Yet his recruiter fed him lies and wouldn’t turn him down. His recruiter stuffed false images in his head and said I’d never be proud unless he was in uniform; That he couldn’t defend me unless he was a part of them.

I had to stop him; so I did.

I was proud of you. I loved you. You didn’t need to be a marine. We could’ve had a different perfect life. You didn’t need to say you were a Marine. You didn’t need to be a Marine. I felt safe walking next to you. I showed you off; your paintings, your humor, your talents and everything. I couldn’t think of a way to improve you. I had to stop you.


In the process..I lost a piece of you;

Now, you’re gone. And we don’t talk and this is one of the small reasons…but here I am; Alone with my thoughts.

I’m running out of time; Donate some?

2 04 2012

Don’t you hate the time limit you have in certain relationships? Where you only have so little time to work with, until you get your relationship to the point you want it to be. Or until you can leave that certain affect on someone;

One of you may be moving away soon, you may reach the friend zone, or someone else may come and take your place; I’m sure there are hundreds of scenarios. Regardless the case, time won’t ever befriend me and make itself abundant.

Worst is when you know something would have happened if you had more time; Or maybe it’s just that you didn’t have the balls to do something faster? No. That’s not it..somethings do take time.

I’m in a situation where the time I have is slipping, and I find myself wondering whats left to do, what’s left to pull? I’m trying to place the idea in my head it’s not the right time for this.  Again, Time; you’re in control. Why not have a little mercy on me?

I know what! I’ll do nothing. I’ll wait it out and let it go the way it’s going. Nothing will happen now, but like those romantic movies; after ten years we’ll find each other again and fall madly in love. All I have to do it just wait, I mean; that’s what time wants right?



Barriers; Right?

20 03 2012

Everyone has a barrier; Whether it’s admitted to or not;  Especially when it comes to relationships.

My inspiration behind this post, was when a co-worker told me the reasons of her break up. Which kind of left me laughing, I know, how rude right? Well let me start off.

1) Talked too much

The boyfriend, claimed that as a couple they talked too much. She kept telling me about how according to him they always talked, non stop! She then continued by saying “We never even talked! Once in a blue moon!” So it left me wondering, was she a nonstop chatter? or did he just find an easy way out? Anyways, I pushed her to continue with the other two reasons.

2) Saw each other too much

He said that they spent too much time together; that they hardly had time to breathe! This was his second reason for the breakup; At this point I was wondering who was telling the truth; Suffocated boyfriend or never see me girlfriend;

3)Dating for too long

His last reason was that they had been dating for too long, and he’d never been in a relationship for that long..(7months) After she mentioned this I couldn’t help but picture the couple. If this was their break up, I couldn’t image their relationship;

I couldn’t stand to listen to her continue to talk about her, what seemed pointless, break up; So I went to the back on the restaurant ( I work at a restaurant)  and I started thinking of all the barriers that relationships have and that people go through; I mean that couple obviously had something wrong; Both sides of their stories were completely different, I started wondering as to what kind of barriers they had and the ones I’ve come across.

Talking:  That always seemed to be a barrier for me, I couldn’t always fully express myself to him; I always felt blocked, it took me hours to get the words I wanted and when I finally started to get them out, I’d stop or freeze; Maybe this couple had a communication barrier? Maybe he felt like he spoke to much and she felt like she never spoke at all.

Experience: This must have been a barrier between that couple; The boy in that relationship probably hasn’t been in many relationships. If he was scared after 7months he must be new to the whole game; This has to be a common barrier in relationships. Couples are hardly ever on the same level; Maybe his longest relationship was a month and hers was two years? There’s bound to be differences there.

I’m sure there’s hundreds of other barriers relationships go through, including religion, personality, wants, and needs. Getting through them makes the bond stronger though; This last couple obviously couldn’t handle it; I’m surprised they made it 7months.

Getting over my barriers took a lot of energy and dedication, and it got harder each time I didn’t succeed at over coming them; What if the barriers were a sign?

Wouldn’t it be amazing if when you were in a relationship with someone, and you had no barriers; that was your sign. That was your sign that you were both perfect for each other; that your relationship would NOT fail.

It would be pretty sick; Save me the trouble; but somehow…All that trouble I went through getting through those barriers made it even better when I kissed him; It was as if the glares in our eyes aligned and my missing puzzle piece fit even better.

The best way to get over a barrier? Push through it, but don’t do it alone. Let them to help you out..It’s a relationship for a reason; It’s part of the romanticism. Going through hell together, but maybe it doesn’t need to be hell? Just don’t let the trying be one-sided.

Those are my words on barriers though; This couple obviously had it’s fair share, although from hearing what I heard it didn’t really sound like a solid couple anyways..Waters are meant to be tested though, and barriers are always built to be broken.


16 03 2012

Have you ever wondered how that word came about? Who decided this three letter word would have such an impact on generations to come.

Obviously there was romance in that action; who took it out?

A trip inside my mind on the subject? Yeah; I’m one of those cliche bastards that says there’s a difference between sex and love, Kinda.

My mind’s racing and I can’t even decide what I want to spit out about this subject;

I guess what I’m saying is; Sex shouldn’t involve fishnet stockings, heavy makeup, dirty talk, or even alcohol. You shouldn’t be thinking of your next move or dying to reach your moment of pleasure; Look at them, and realize that they’ll be there when you wake up. That they’ll love you for every moment. That they’re willing to spend every inch of their beating soul with you. You should feel the same; You should be dying for that heart to heart connection that you can achieve through carnal desires;

Again though; I realize what I described above most would call Love; and i agree..But this is where I throw myself off; Because I also think it should be sex.

I can’t even fully agree with what I’m saying, the whole matter just throws me off;

It’s such an intimate, personal subject; Maybe it shouldn’t be discussed allowed?