You wanted love, didn’t you?

20 10 2012

It’s been a while, and it’s getting to me. This whole not writing deal, but college has me booked 24/7 not even giving me a day to sleep. I’ve managed to find time though! I think I’ll be able to return to a once a week deal..Hopefully; Anyways life is pretty swell, aside from the fact that a 16 year old boy is in love with me..Haha, oh boy. I don’t even know how to properly handle this situation.

“ABUSE HIM!”

What the hell is your problem? No!

“Just throwing out your options bro”

Well No. That’s not even an option; I’ll find a way to lead him away..gently; Because quite frankly; I’m not a harsh person, nor am I looking to hurt this boys feelings.

That’s a pretty bad “personality” trait to have, being “too” nice that is. I’m one of those who suffer from this condition…Now it’s important to be clear, because I’m no pansy; I work on cars, play video games, love fight club and love yard work. Yet I can’t tell someone “No”, be harsh, or stern. I’ve always been known as the “sweetheart”.

I’m not the only one who falls under this category either, there’s a number of us. You know what? I’m going to take that bold shot and say we all go through it, at one point in our life; the point where we’re way too nice. Is it bad I’m still stuck in that point?

Allow me to tie all of this together because there is a point to all of this. I know this boy isn’t really in love with me, he just thinks he is because of whatever is running through his mind told him so. It’s just a moment, and it’ll blow over eventually..(I hope) Well this entire situation got me thinking of me and everyone.

When, at what age, or how long did it take to realize that you were really in love? That it wasn’t this kind of “love”, the kind that he feels for me? When did I know I really was in love? It got me thinking, when did I get to the point where I knew that I was really in love and not just like this boy thinking I was?  When will this boy realize that he didn’t love me and when will he truly realize what love is? When did you realize you were actually in love?

So many thoughts I couldn’t answer at once swept me; I remember when I was younger and claimed I was in love and others would tell me that I wasn’t, I was to young. I know it’s true now that I’m older but how did they know? Is it because they knew what love truly was and they didn’t see it there? Or where they just saying what adults always say to little kids..?

I guess it’s just something you learn to see, maybe you don’t have to experience love first to know that someone’s not in love.

 

Agh, the lack of writing these past few months has taken a toll on my mind but I’ll find my rhythm again; until then I’ve got no clever closing..

 

“Haha, Have a good day kid. ”

 





I’m eighteen; Spending my life in the passenger seat;

4 04 2012

I can’t stop thinking that inside something’s missing. Opportunities missed and chances blown but that’s just how it goes.

Everyone and everything, always in search for something . I’m not doing the best I can to escape this place I’m in, nor am I focused enough to make it more bearable.

I’m so used to worrying about when to bite my tongue, but as of late, I’ve nothing to say. I find myself making old songs new, and old again, and I’m the same; burned out on everything.

There’s no value, no shock factor, no hope, nothing to look forward to in my immediate memory, and worst of all.. theres no love, not here; ironic right? A romantic and no love.

There’s just another day, another few meals hardly worth digesting. I don’t pay attention to things, not the beautiful ones, and beauty doesn’t really mean anything to me anyway, because I’m not that way, and I’d rather never be.

I’m all pointless, but I’m sharp.