You wanted love, didn’t you?

20 10 2012

It’s been a while, and it’s getting to me. This whole not writing deal, but college has me booked 24/7 not even giving me a day to sleep. I’ve managed to find time though! I think I’ll be able to return to a once a week deal..Hopefully; Anyways life is pretty swell, aside from the fact that a 16 year old boy is in love with me..Haha, oh boy. I don’t even know how to properly handle this situation.

“ABUSE HIM!”

What the hell is your problem? No!

“Just throwing out your options bro”

Well No. That’s not even an option; I’ll find a way to lead him away..gently; Because quite frankly; I’m not a harsh person, nor am I looking to hurt this boys feelings.

That’s a pretty bad “personality” trait to have, being “too” nice that is. I’m one of those who suffer from this condition…Now it’s important to be clear, because I’m no pansy; I work on cars, play video games, love fight club and love yard work. Yet I can’t tell someone “No”, be harsh, or stern. I’ve always been known as the “sweetheart”.

I’m not the only one who falls under this category either, there’s a number of us. You know what? I’m going to take that bold shot and say we all go through it, at one point in our life; the point where we’re way too nice. Is it bad I’m still stuck in that point?

Allow me to tie all of this together because there is a point to all of this. I know this boy isn’t really in love with me, he just thinks he is because of whatever is running through his mind told him so. It’s just a moment, and it’ll blow over eventually..(I hope) Well this entire situation got me thinking of me and everyone.

When, at what age, or how long did it take to realize that you were really in love? That it wasn’t this kind of “love”, the kind that he feels for me? When did I know I really was in love? It got me thinking, when did I get to the point where I knew that I was really in love and not just like this boy thinking I was?  When will this boy realize that he didn’t love me and when will he truly realize what love is? When did you realize you were actually in love?

So many thoughts I couldn’t answer at once swept me; I remember when I was younger and claimed I was in love and others would tell me that I wasn’t, I was to young. I know it’s true now that I’m older but how did they know? Is it because they knew what love truly was and they didn’t see it there? Or where they just saying what adults always say to little kids..?

I guess it’s just something you learn to see, maybe you don’t have to experience love first to know that someone’s not in love.

 

Agh, the lack of writing these past few months has taken a toll on my mind but I’ll find my rhythm again; until then I’ve got no clever closing..

 

“Haha, Have a good day kid. ”

 

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21 08 2012

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You’re a wolf, girl, get out of this town;

13 05 2012

Finished my paper! Woo! Three cheers, and shots on me. Finally. I’ll be able to graduate now! Right?

Anyways onto a more interesting topic; Tonight at work, I was running through the restaurant and noticed a couple. They were sitting in a booth, just them and they weren’t talking. The woman seemed impatient and was very well dressed; you could tell she tried to dress younger for her age.  The guy seemed like he had a terrible self esteem, and didn’t look like a confident type.

First thought that raced through my mind? “She’s cheating, wants a divorce, hasn’t told him and he knows but he’s trying to deny it and be a whipped husband to try and keep her”
As terrible as this sounds, I purposely walked up to them to ask them how their meal was going and if everything was running smoothly, and like I imagined, the woman acted like she was younger and was the one who mostly talked. After a while, I turned most of the conversation to the husband. Which drove her mad, because she began tapping her foot and her fingers and looked away multiply times.

I thought I’d make it even better, by making it look like I attracted to the guy. I didn’t really flirt, but I was overly nice. I could tell he was surprised and didn’t know to react. He then asked me to leave, because I was making his wife uncomfortable. I smiled, apologized then left.

It made me kind of happy, knowing that he did that. Instead of rubbing it off in his wife’s face, he kept his place as her husband and didn’t want to make her uncomfortable or jealous. Regardless of how she treated him.

This broken man is in love with her, it makes me wonder how their night ended up going. If my little show made even the slightest difference at all in their relationship..;

I don’t know their true story; but that’s definitely something I’m terrified for in marriage. Not so much the cheating but the sitting and no talking, the forgot about love phase, and the “i’m better then you” attitudes. I know all marriages aren’t like this..

I can’t understand how a loving couple can get to that point..You don’t just stop loving them, or showing it.

“Haha you sound like a little girl with a fairy tale dream”

lol; you sound like a lonely douchebag ;)

“..Alright, you can have your happy ending”

Haha, I will; Because this time we wont’ be lions, we’ll be wolfs; and I definitively won’t  give up.





I love you so much, I quit; and I quit you so well.

3 05 2012

So after failing to continue that “30 day challenge” deal; I realized, “Uhm.., you hate those things..”
It was nice while it lasted though!…I’ve been in writers block and I thought that the 30 day challenge would free me.

Honestly, I’m blocked on everything in my mind, and I can’t unblock it or find a little ambition to finish anything. I’ve got an enormous research paper to do for class, that my graduation gravely depends on, yet I keep pushing the snooze button on it as if I can afford to.
Where am I going with this? Relationships, that’s what.

“You’ve got writers block on relationships?”

Nah, but someone does.

“who?”

You.

“lol; Nawhh;”

You’re right, I’m kidding. But seriously, someone does. Or at least they did;

“I’m not catching on here..get to the fucking point, ;)”

RUDE.

Well..Anyways; I’m lost over the question; Can you be in love, but lose your ambition in it? Can you be in a relationship and have a “love block”, and no I’m not talking about barriers or somethings in the way. I’m talking about simply, just quitting. Like my research paper.

“Wow..really, YES. People quit relationships, it’s called heartbreak and breakups. -___-”

Ugh, No listen. Here’s the thing,..I was in a relationship, and of course I loved the boy. I spent everyday of 4 years with him, but towards the end, it was pure argument and distrust. Instead of working for it to better, I gave up half way through; I started to try again but than he quit me. He quit, but he kept saying he loved me. Is that legal?

“No, you both should be arrested”

You’re right, I should be. But I mean..I was exhausted, I couldn’t handle it..I still loved him, I just couldn’t handle it. That’s fair isn’t it? I mean, I quit the relationship, not the love.

“Jack; the love is part of the relationship”

No it’s not..I mean it is, but it’s not.

“You’re a PRICK.”

No wonder you’re single. Seriously though, growing tired of a relationship? That can’t happen, it just means you weren’t meant for it. A real relationship, you wouldn’t just quit on. At least I think..because I would’ve married Jacob in a heartbeat. Maybe I wasn’t sick of the relationship? I was just sick of the arguing..and i was tired of being exauhsted all the time.;

“Honestly, I don’t see the point in half the things you write. Because this all sounds a bit way to obvious.”

I know, I don’t either.  And yeah, it might obvious; But I’ve still got this block in my head; questions unanswered and paper to write.





Barriers; Right?

20 03 2012

Everyone has a barrier; Whether it’s admitted to or not;  Especially when it comes to relationships.

My inspiration behind this post, was when a co-worker told me the reasons of her break up. Which kind of left me laughing, I know, how rude right? Well let me start off.

1) Talked too much

The boyfriend, claimed that as a couple they talked too much. She kept telling me about how according to him they always talked, non stop! She then continued by saying “We never even talked! Once in a blue moon!” So it left me wondering, was she a nonstop chatter? or did he just find an easy way out? Anyways, I pushed her to continue with the other two reasons.

2) Saw each other too much

He said that they spent too much time together; that they hardly had time to breathe! This was his second reason for the breakup; At this point I was wondering who was telling the truth; Suffocated boyfriend or never see me girlfriend;

3)Dating for too long

His last reason was that they had been dating for too long, and he’d never been in a relationship for that long..(7months) After she mentioned this I couldn’t help but picture the couple. If this was their break up, I couldn’t image their relationship;

I couldn’t stand to listen to her continue to talk about her, what seemed pointless, break up; So I went to the back on the restaurant ( I work at a restaurant)  and I started thinking of all the barriers that relationships have and that people go through; I mean that couple obviously had something wrong; Both sides of their stories were completely different, I started wondering as to what kind of barriers they had and the ones I’ve come across.

Talking:  That always seemed to be a barrier for me, I couldn’t always fully express myself to him; I always felt blocked, it took me hours to get the words I wanted and when I finally started to get them out, I’d stop or freeze; Maybe this couple had a communication barrier? Maybe he felt like he spoke to much and she felt like she never spoke at all.

Experience: This must have been a barrier between that couple; The boy in that relationship probably hasn’t been in many relationships. If he was scared after 7months he must be new to the whole game; This has to be a common barrier in relationships. Couples are hardly ever on the same level; Maybe his longest relationship was a month and hers was two years? There’s bound to be differences there.

I’m sure there’s hundreds of other barriers relationships go through, including religion, personality, wants, and needs. Getting through them makes the bond stronger though; This last couple obviously couldn’t handle it; I’m surprised they made it 7months.

Getting over my barriers took a lot of energy and dedication, and it got harder each time I didn’t succeed at over coming them; What if the barriers were a sign?

Wouldn’t it be amazing if when you were in a relationship with someone, and you had no barriers; that was your sign. That was your sign that you were both perfect for each other; that your relationship would NOT fail.

It would be pretty sick; Save me the trouble; but somehow…All that trouble I went through getting through those barriers made it even better when I kissed him; It was as if the glares in our eyes aligned and my missing puzzle piece fit even better.

 
The best way to get over a barrier? Push through it, but don’t do it alone. Let them to help you out..It’s a relationship for a reason; It’s part of the romanticism. Going through hell together, but maybe it doesn’t need to be hell? Just don’t let the trying be one-sided.

Those are my words on barriers though; This couple obviously had it’s fair share, although from hearing what I heard it didn’t really sound like a solid couple anyways..Waters are meant to be tested though, and barriers are always built to be broken.