There go my chances of sleeping any further;

24 12 2013

It’s 2:53 am here.

And I can’t find sleep.

It’s funny because most of the time it’s because of restless thoughts, but tonight I don’t really have any. I just can’t find sleep.

And it’s far too late and I’m far too lazy to try and workout right now.

I know I have thoughts in my head, but they’re so beyond my reach my brain may as well be empty. I can’t turn them into writing at this point..Maybe that’s why I can’t sleep, my mind is trying to find it’s way back into writing.
Maybe it’s trying to give me an idea but I can’t listen at the moment because I’m concentrating on trying to pass out.

“That doesn’t even make sense you scum bag”

Hey, I’m trying here. It’s beautiful you know, writing. It’s an absolute beauty…it goes beyond expressing yourself.
It’s deterring losing your way in this world of letters, makes you kind of give up in a way. Even if no one reads your writings..Anyway. I’m over this romantic writing deal..HEY! maybe that’s it.
I’ve got new words to spit! and I’ll find a way to do write them…but I’ll find this energy in the morning.  These eyelids are getting heavy…Maybe that was the thought I needed to give me sleep?

“You need rest, I’m glad this romanticism is over though. Night Kid”

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You wanted love, didn’t you?

20 10 2012

It’s been a while, and it’s getting to me. This whole not writing deal, but college has me booked 24/7 not even giving me a day to sleep. I’ve managed to find time though! I think I’ll be able to return to a once a week deal..Hopefully; Anyways life is pretty swell, aside from the fact that a 16 year old boy is in love with me..Haha, oh boy. I don’t even know how to properly handle this situation.

“ABUSE HIM!”

What the hell is your problem? No!

“Just throwing out your options bro”

Well No. That’s not even an option; I’ll find a way to lead him away..gently; Because quite frankly; I’m not a harsh person, nor am I looking to hurt this boys feelings.

That’s a pretty bad “personality” trait to have, being “too” nice that is. I’m one of those who suffer from this condition…Now it’s important to be clear, because I’m no pansy; I work on cars, play video games, love fight club and love yard work. Yet I can’t tell someone “No”, be harsh, or stern. I’ve always been known as the “sweetheart”.

I’m not the only one who falls under this category either, there’s a number of us. You know what? I’m going to take that bold shot and say we all go through it, at one point in our life; the point where we’re way too nice. Is it bad I’m still stuck in that point?

Allow me to tie all of this together because there is a point to all of this. I know this boy isn’t really in love with me, he just thinks he is because of whatever is running through his mind told him so. It’s just a moment, and it’ll blow over eventually..(I hope) Well this entire situation got me thinking of me and everyone.

When, at what age, or how long did it take to realize that you were really in love? That it wasn’t this kind of “love”, the kind that he feels for me? When did I know I really was in love? It got me thinking, when did I get to the point where I knew that I was really in love and not just like this boy thinking I was?  When will this boy realize that he didn’t love me and when will he truly realize what love is? When did you realize you were actually in love?

So many thoughts I couldn’t answer at once swept me; I remember when I was younger and claimed I was in love and others would tell me that I wasn’t, I was to young. I know it’s true now that I’m older but how did they know? Is it because they knew what love truly was and they didn’t see it there? Or where they just saying what adults always say to little kids..?

I guess it’s just something you learn to see, maybe you don’t have to experience love first to know that someone’s not in love.

 

Agh, the lack of writing these past few months has taken a toll on my mind but I’ll find my rhythm again; until then I’ve got no clever closing..

 

“Haha, Have a good day kid. ”

 





Cafe Winks;

27 01 2012

I’m pretty sure we’ve all been in those circumstances, you go to a place and your eyes connect with the opposite sex. Smiles are exchanged and possibly a wink here and there; but still no words are said this entire time that your both in each others existence.

I’m at a cafe, and this handsome man in front of me is buying a “Grande Caramel Mocha”; he’s tall with shabby hair, shorter than his ears but long enough to caress. He seems Italian from the language he seems to be mumbling as he stares at me ordering my drink. Vanilla chai.

He took a seat across from me, so we were still in vision and out of shyness I look away and blush, What to do? Say the first word? No, of course not.

Like those romantic cliche movies he’s suppose to say something, something clumsy or breath taking, Right?

But, he said nothing. And I stayed there, in my seat, smiling and waiting;

He packed up his iPad and books, and walked out the door, grande caramel mocha in hand.

 





Handle Me;

25 01 2012

Starting this blog with the mindset that I’ll be able to handle myself. I’ll mostly write about love, how cliche right? But thats what I am, a helpless romantic; on the verge of an outbreak, I’m drowning in emotions that I can’t feel, and it turns out I can write..so my cure? An anonymous blog;