There go my chances of sleeping any further;

24 12 2013

It’s 2:53 am here.

And I can’t find sleep.

It’s funny because most of the time it’s because of restless thoughts, but tonight I don’t really have any. I just can’t find sleep.

And it’s far too late and I’m far too lazy to try and workout right now.

I know I have thoughts in my head, but they’re so beyond my reach my brain may as well be empty. I can’t turn them into writing at this point..Maybe that’s why I can’t sleep, my mind is trying to find it’s way back into writing.
Maybe it’s trying to give me an idea but I can’t listen at the moment because I’m concentrating on trying to pass out.

“That doesn’t even make sense you scum bag”

Hey, I’m trying here. It’s beautiful you know, writing. It’s an absolute beauty…it goes beyond expressing yourself.
It’s deterring losing your way in this world of letters, makes you kind of give up in a way. Even if no one reads your writings..Anyway. I’m over this romantic writing deal..HEY! maybe that’s it.
I’ve got new words to spit! and I’ll find a way to do write them…but I’ll find this energy in the morning.  These eyelids are getting heavy…Maybe that was the thought I needed to give me sleep?

“You need rest, I’m glad this romanticism is over though. Night Kid”

Advertisements




You wanted love, didn’t you?

20 10 2012

It’s been a while, and it’s getting to me. This whole not writing deal, but college has me booked 24/7 not even giving me a day to sleep. I’ve managed to find time though! I think I’ll be able to return to a once a week deal..Hopefully; Anyways life is pretty swell, aside from the fact that a 16 year old boy is in love with me..Haha, oh boy. I don’t even know how to properly handle this situation.

“ABUSE HIM!”

What the hell is your problem? No!

“Just throwing out your options bro”

Well No. That’s not even an option; I’ll find a way to lead him away..gently; Because quite frankly; I’m not a harsh person, nor am I looking to hurt this boys feelings.

That’s a pretty bad “personality” trait to have, being “too” nice that is. I’m one of those who suffer from this condition…Now it’s important to be clear, because I’m no pansy; I work on cars, play video games, love fight club and love yard work. Yet I can’t tell someone “No”, be harsh, or stern. I’ve always been known as the “sweetheart”.

I’m not the only one who falls under this category either, there’s a number of us. You know what? I’m going to take that bold shot and say we all go through it, at one point in our life; the point where we’re way too nice. Is it bad I’m still stuck in that point?

Allow me to tie all of this together because there is a point to all of this. I know this boy isn’t really in love with me, he just thinks he is because of whatever is running through his mind told him so. It’s just a moment, and it’ll blow over eventually..(I hope) Well this entire situation got me thinking of me and everyone.

When, at what age, or how long did it take to realize that you were really in love? That it wasn’t this kind of “love”, the kind that he feels for me? When did I know I really was in love? It got me thinking, when did I get to the point where I knew that I was really in love and not just like this boy thinking I was?  When will this boy realize that he didn’t love me and when will he truly realize what love is? When did you realize you were actually in love?

So many thoughts I couldn’t answer at once swept me; I remember when I was younger and claimed I was in love and others would tell me that I wasn’t, I was to young. I know it’s true now that I’m older but how did they know? Is it because they knew what love truly was and they didn’t see it there? Or where they just saying what adults always say to little kids..?

I guess it’s just something you learn to see, maybe you don’t have to experience love first to know that someone’s not in love.

 

Agh, the lack of writing these past few months has taken a toll on my mind but I’ll find my rhythm again; until then I’ve got no clever closing..

 

“Haha, Have a good day kid. ”

 





What else can I say to you?

9 09 2012

Well; I feel like it’s been centuries; Even though it’s only been a blink of an eye. Remember those moments? When you feel like they were years ago, but really it was just last week.

I’m stepping on a brighter road; Things are smoother but I still don’t have that Disney love story to tell; but I can say, we’re both better off, in some torn off way.

Bad news though

“BRO. Seriously!? Your last few posts have been negative as FUCK. Get over yourself -__- This isn’t group theory from fight club.”

Haha; You might enjoy this, maybe even get a little chuckle.

“You’ve got thirty seconds”

Remember back in high school, how I needed to concentrate and write that paper so I could graduate? And I couldn’t so I just blogged instead about it? That’s my bad news; I can’t write this paper for my college English class. So I’m blogging. (:

“-_-“

(;

 





Protected: White blank page;

21 08 2012

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:





Some things are worse than being alone;

9 08 2012

“It’s too hot here, not my kind of town.
but i can smell you, even though you are miles away.
i put my hand on my stomach, and pretend it’s yours.
leave on the lights. hand on my back;
mouth on my mouth. i need to feel you near me.
it’s too hot here.”

 

 

 

 

 

btw; i’m back.





I’m losing what I never found;

21 06 2012

So it’s over.

“what, your blog?”

No, that little romance I had..

“Oh. I swear I wished you the best;..I’m sorry”

Nah, it’s okay. I mean It was only a month or so.

“Go ahead, tell me the story”

I think this is the first time we’re actually getting along! Haha, well..Everything was great; Same weird personality, and we got along fine..Only problem was. He didn’t want to date out of his religion and he wanted to end it before he hurt me even more.

It was enraging, you would think there would be a way to coexisit right? I couldn’t believe it. A perfect man; hard working, didn’t drink, smoke or do drugs, wanted a family, was hilarious and didn’t think I was weird. But it couldn’t happen..because of a title.

I wonder how many people septate over these titles; don’t get me wrong, I am religious..but religion is man made; its not perfect.

I soon realized, that maybe it was okay we separated. I was raised to fix something when it was broken, not give up on it. I want someone that’ll do the same..

Anyways; I’m back, same hopeless romantic as always (;

“Welcome back…hoe!..lol sorry, had to say something rude”
image





Protected: Hello?..(pause) “Oh, sorry, I was underwater”

12 06 2012

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below: