It’s almost….here;

21 05 2012




One, two, three, FOUR.

“Uhm, you’re repeating yourself”

I KNOW. That’s because there’s only 4 DAYS LEFT Of high school and then I’m done! For good. I can’t wait! Oh the excitement! You wouldn’t understand though, you’re just letters.

“Wow, ass”



Anyways; The reasons as to why I’m so ecstatic are:

-No more drug addicts! (Which also includes, no more argument about legalizing marijuana, no more terrible smells, no one trying to sell me things, no more sheriffs wandering around, and no more people trying to tell me the world is square, OH! And no more people talking about sex in disgusting manors)


-No more DRAMA. (Which includes, no more pregnant teens trying to rally someone up because they talked to their “baby daddy”, no more trashy girls, no more duck faces, no more pointless arguing, not hearing the words, “She ratchet!, Oh hell naw, Uh she gross, BITCH!, etc”, and no more hair pulling.

-No more annoying couples! (Which means, no more minute breakups!, no more obnoxious arguing and having to pick a side, no more “I love you so muchhh!” after three days, no more making out in the hallways, no more “Oh my sweety and I are going to get married (:” Even though you’re cheating on him,)

“DAMN, didn’t you like anything? You rotten kid..”

Of course! I mean..I’ll miss my friends, and my senior class, and my teachers; I’ll miss the lounge, and our pranks and jokes. But I mean seriously, I’m sick of the constant 8 hour school day.

I know I’ll have to deal with some of the things I mentioned in real life, but at least I won’t be locked with them in a building for 8 consecutive hours.   -_-”




My mouths shooting blanks;

21 05 2012

And I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t. I knew you had me, actually No, no I didn’t.  I didn’t know you owned every part of me. I swear I didn’t. You were lovely though; So soft, your skin surfaced an envy within me, but it didn’t matter..You were mine. Tracing the outlines of your face, I couldn’t get over the goosebumps; Never perfect with anyone else. It wasn’t even the butterflies or the blushing that made it obvious, it was the way your hands automatically intertwined around my waist and your eyes were constantly locked on mine. Those silent moments when my eyes were loud and your eyes responded calmly.


And the fairy tale ended like this;

17 05 2012

I closed work last night, and it kind of sucked.

My recent ex’s parents came in, with his sisters to eat; and of course, they played the “I’m going to smile and talk to you, as if nothing happened, because we know our son screwed up” card. I can’t even begin to explain how I felt. Not to mention his mother is the spitting image of him..

I headed back to the kitchen to collect my thoughts, and my manager pulled me aside. He explained how people were giving the new girl a hard time because she was a former employee’s ex girlfriend. I guess word got around that she was terrible in the relationship so people were going to take the guys side and be shitty towards her; He wanted me to set a good vibe and help stop it.

On my way back out to the front of the restaurant.. I couldn’t help but think, “One sided story”

It always happens, a couple breaks up and they both try and ruin each others image. It’s fucking ridiculous. And it drives me up a wall; anyways..It soon hit me,

“What’s my story?”

I wanted to go up to his parents and ask what he had told them; What my story was from his mouth. Then I started thinking about the story I had said, what story I had told. Maybe I had been wrong all along, maybe they didn’t think their son screwed up, what if they only smiled because they were trying to hide their hate because they think I did something?

I was dying to know if he had bad mouthed me, if he had told a terrible story about me. We all want to know our stories..mostly because we want to be reassured that they love us, and won’t down talk us. Because its terrorizing hearing someone tell you about how your recent lover of 3 years called you a crazy bitch.

I ended up working the rest of the night without a word to his parents. After my shift I sat in my car for a good half hour before I drove off; I kept replaying the words I said in my head to people when we broke up.

“No, he’s not a douchebag, he’s going through a terrible time;”, “No, don’t yell at him”, “He’s a sweetheart, i know it..”

I don’t know why that servers relationship with her ended, but I know they dated for 2 years; Why would you try and make her life hell at work?

I guess it depends heavily on the breakup; If it ended badly i could see the words coming in anger.. but still; It’s astonishing the length some people will go to accomplish things..

“Seriously, you’re too fucking sensitive. Please. GO watch horror movies, and hangout with some douchebags. Then come back and reread this. You’ll hate yourself”

lol; Bro. Log on to Diablo 3; I’ll murder you.

What’s your insight?

You’re a wolf, girl, get out of this town;

13 05 2012

Finished my paper! Woo! Three cheers, and shots on me. Finally. I’ll be able to graduate now! Right?

Anyways onto a more interesting topic; Tonight at work, I was running through the restaurant and noticed a couple. They were sitting in a booth, just them and they weren’t talking. The woman seemed impatient and was very well dressed; you could tell she tried to dress younger for her age.  The guy seemed like he had a terrible self esteem, and didn’t look like a confident type.

First thought that raced through my mind? “She’s cheating, wants a divorce, hasn’t told him and he knows but he’s trying to deny it and be a whipped husband to try and keep her”
As terrible as this sounds, I purposely walked up to them to ask them how their meal was going and if everything was running smoothly, and like I imagined, the woman acted like she was younger and was the one who mostly talked. After a while, I turned most of the conversation to the husband. Which drove her mad, because she began tapping her foot and her fingers and looked away multiply times.

I thought I’d make it even better, by making it look like I attracted to the guy. I didn’t really flirt, but I was overly nice. I could tell he was surprised and didn’t know to react. He then asked me to leave, because I was making his wife uncomfortable. I smiled, apologized then left.

It made me kind of happy, knowing that he did that. Instead of rubbing it off in his wife’s face, he kept his place as her husband and didn’t want to make her uncomfortable or jealous. Regardless of how she treated him.

This broken man is in love with her, it makes me wonder how their night ended up going. If my little show made even the slightest difference at all in their relationship..;

I don’t know their true story; but that’s definitely something I’m terrified for in marriage. Not so much the cheating but the sitting and no talking, the forgot about love phase, and the “i’m better then you” attitudes. I know all marriages aren’t like this..

I can’t understand how a loving couple can get to that point..You don’t just stop loving them, or showing it.

“Haha you sound like a little girl with a fairy tale dream”

lol; you sound like a lonely douchebag ;)

“..Alright, you can have your happy ending”

Haha, I will; Because this time we wont’ be lions, we’ll be wolfs; and I definitively won’t  give up.

I tried to do it all for you, it didn’t do anything for me.

10 05 2012

Two days! Two days away from this research paper being due. It’s due Friday. 250 points. And what am I doing? Spending my time chatting with friends and sleeping, or eating. I can’t concentrate for the love of God on this paper, and I’ve got two days left.
More like one and a half. I need to finish it to graduate; which is two weeks away.

Not to mention I’m working 11 shifts in a row; I work at a restaurant.  We bought new knives and I’ve already cut myself 3 times, on the same hand! :/

I’m never going to finish this paper, I’ve missed so much school and i’m beyond saving when it comes to procrastination..

I wasn’t always like this though;  I was a top of the class student. A’s and passing classes, getting ahead..Then I got in a relationship. I missed school and didn’t have time for homework, I dedicated it all to him. I know I shouldn’t of, I should have found a balance..But this kid was a wreck. We got in the habit of missing school constantly; it was so easy. Just walk out and drive. Eventually I was at the bottom, retaking classes. Now he’s gone and I’m stuck here; Trying to atone for it all. But I’m still missing school, and slacking. It’s just so easy. Yeah; Call me lazy.

Anyways, I’m obviously ready for this to be over; Lets hope I wake up with the ambition to at least open up Microsoft Word!

I never wrote a love song to begin with;

4 05 2012

We went out walking in the moonlight one late night; out in some park/forest. There were trails leading all over, and right away I knew no one else would have me like you did. Making cheesy jokes, and stepping on each others foot we walked onto the wrong trail, incidentally, and we ended up having to run from a skunk.

You kept freaking out because you thought I was going to pass out from running. lol; When we found our way back to the right path, we were both on edge. You kept saying we should keep exploring so we did, because you didn’t want to sit alone at home..and after climbing for what seemed like hours, we reached the most beautiful place;

We sat there gazing over what seemed like an amazing city, but we both knew it was just some small town with too many lights. But it illuminated the night.

On our way back down, I said I had a rock in my shoe and I stopped to bend down and get it. But, I didn’t have a rock in my shoe, in fact, I was scheming a sneaky plan! I lied so I could pick up a huge rock! Without you knowing of course. We kept on walking and I waited for about 5 minutes until we reached a bunch of small bushes and a few patches of trees; then silently, I threw the rock ahead of us into the bushes.

Then came the, “THUMP” as it rustled in the bushes. And we both stopped. I pretended to be scared, it was pretty sick; You’ve got to admit I’m a real good actor. But I couldn’t help it, as soon as I saw you about to run back up the hill, as if a mob of lions were going to devour us; I couldn’t help but laugh. That was the only time I’ve ever been tricky enough to fool you.

Anyways, we continued back down the trail..Hand in hand; and my feet were cold, but my heart was warm.

I love you so much, I quit; and I quit you so well.

3 05 2012

So after failing to continue that “30 day challenge” deal; I realized, “Uhm.., you hate those things..”
It was nice while it lasted though!…I’ve been in writers block and I thought that the 30 day challenge would free me.

Honestly, I’m blocked on everything in my mind, and I can’t unblock it or find a little ambition to finish anything. I’ve got an enormous research paper to do for class, that my graduation gravely depends on, yet I keep pushing the snooze button on it as if I can afford to.
Where am I going with this? Relationships, that’s what.

“You’ve got writers block on relationships?”

Nah, but someone does.



“lol; Nawhh;”

You’re right, I’m kidding. But seriously, someone does. Or at least they did;

“I’m not catching on here..get to the fucking point, ;)”


Well..Anyways; I’m lost over the question; Can you be in love, but lose your ambition in it? Can you be in a relationship and have a “love block”, and no I’m not talking about barriers or somethings in the way. I’m talking about simply, just quitting. Like my research paper.

“Wow..really, YES. People quit relationships, it’s called heartbreak and breakups. -___-”

Ugh, No listen. Here’s the thing,..I was in a relationship, and of course I loved the boy. I spent everyday of 4 years with him, but towards the end, it was pure argument and distrust. Instead of working for it to better, I gave up half way through; I started to try again but than he quit me. He quit, but he kept saying he loved me. Is that legal?

“No, you both should be arrested”

You’re right, I should be. But I mean..I was exhausted, I couldn’t handle it..I still loved him, I just couldn’t handle it. That’s fair isn’t it? I mean, I quit the relationship, not the love.

“Jack; the love is part of the relationship”

No it’s not..I mean it is, but it’s not.

“You’re a PRICK.”

No wonder you’re single. Seriously though, growing tired of a relationship? That can’t happen, it just means you weren’t meant for it. A real relationship, you wouldn’t just quit on. At least I think..because I would’ve married Jacob in a heartbeat. Maybe I wasn’t sick of the relationship? I was just sick of the arguing..and i was tired of being exauhsted all the time.;

“Honestly, I don’t see the point in half the things you write. Because this all sounds a bit way to obvious.”

I know, I don’t either.  And yeah, it might obvious; But I’ve still got this block in my head; questions unanswered and paper to write.