Alone with my thoughts;

2 04 2012

He wanted to join the Marines; He wanted to say he was a Marine; He wanted to be strong for me; He wanted to be a Marine.

I find myself thinking constantly over this; He wanted to join and he had it all planned out. He would graduate and then enlist when I started school, so we would finish around the same time. He’d be back home for my graduation; Afterwards he’d be sent to the ROTC program at Purdue and I could study there; after 2 years I’d go study wherever he was sent and eventually we would tie the knot. It’d be a lovely ending.

Problem? He Couldn’t Be A Marine.

Physically he could; He had the strength and the endurance; He was strong..;

 Mentally he couldn’t; He was on depression medicine and he wasn’t fit for the core; Yet his recruiter fed him lies and wouldn’t turn him down. His recruiter stuffed false images in his head and said I’d never be proud unless he was in uniform; That he couldn’t defend me unless he was a part of them.

I had to stop him; so I did.

I was proud of you. I loved you. You didn’t need to be a marine. We could’ve had a different perfect life. You didn’t need to say you were a Marine. You didn’t need to be a Marine. I felt safe walking next to you. I showed you off; your paintings, your humor, your talents and everything. I couldn’t think of a way to improve you. I had to stop you.

 

In the process..I lost a piece of you;

Now, you’re gone. And we don’t talk and this is one of the small reasons…but here I am; Alone with my thoughts.

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2 responses

2 04 2012
bornattwentyfive

Sounds tough:( sorry.

3 04 2012
t

Peace.

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