A closed story; Freestyle.

30 04 2012

Put your vice on the table so we can talk about what this has to do with you alive; you left before I could get my hands and my arms around all the little things that made you up. So much for luck, you blew all of your cards on one dumb play and now I’m sweeping your remains. Forget what’s owed, it never mattered at all.

I kid because I love; I’m worried, I’m worried on you. We wrote the book on ruining your friends, we wrote the book on skipping to the end, like when I get home and “I’m so tired baby, just roll over please, I’m so tired baby, roll over please, I’m so tired baby, roll over please; wash rinse repeat, You say these things until they’re canon.

Just throw up your hands and die, give up and learn how to cry, wash it down with the taste of sour defeat; Press it against me until I start to suffocate from the smell (It’s all right, it’s okay, just come home, come home)

We wrote the book on playing out, we wrote the book on closing out,

we wrote the book…





Nothings escaping;

23 04 2012

I know, I’ve been gone for an eternity. But I swear it’s all for a good reason.

I’m about to take hold of what I’ve been letting wash out under my feet. I’m moving. Marking walls. Gaining threads, and losing friends. It’s time I stopped stomping all over everything I love, and clean it up a bit.

Start hearing peoples words, start building something under me.

I’ll see you there.





And so it begins…

11 04 2012

I came across this while reading through a few blogs online; I figured I’d give this a shot. So lets see..Day 01, my current relationship or describe single life.

My current relationship is a little tricky, you see I’m entangled with more than one person. Food has me pretty much all to himself,  but Work seems to be pretty jealous of our bond, so I’ve been trying to keep them happy by splitting up my time between them. Also joining my somewhat dysfunctional relationship is School, but I have a feeling he won’t stick around for too long. I’ll always have Food and Work so I won’t have to ever worry about being lonely.. So I guess you could say my relationships are going pretty good; some might even be jealous of it. ;)

And there we have it folks! Day 01 Completed ^-^





I’m eighteen; Spending my life in the passenger seat;

4 04 2012

I can’t stop thinking that inside something’s missing. Opportunities missed and chances blown but that’s just how it goes.

Everyone and everything, always in search for something . I’m not doing the best I can to escape this place I’m in, nor am I focused enough to make it more bearable.

I’m so used to worrying about when to bite my tongue, but as of late, I’ve nothing to say. I find myself making old songs new, and old again, and I’m the same; burned out on everything.

There’s no value, no shock factor, no hope, nothing to look forward to in my immediate memory, and worst of all.. theres no love, not here; ironic right? A romantic and no love.

There’s just another day, another few meals hardly worth digesting. I don’t pay attention to things, not the beautiful ones, and beauty doesn’t really mean anything to me anyway, because I’m not that way, and I’d rather never be.

I’m all pointless, but I’m sharp.





I’ll prove to you that the heart does more than pump blood;

3 04 2012

I’m here in Chemistry class trying to go about understanding this “Disorderly order of chaos” theory and I can’ t help but listen to the conversation to my left;
Two things came to my mind as I listened; First one was “Wow, come on; finish your lab, this conversation doesn’t belong to you; STOP listening!”

My second thought was “Ridiculous, really? That’s the most romantic thing you’ve done?”

Two girls and one guy are to my left, and the guy is going on about how he gave his ex-girlfriend roses on their first date. How it’s the most romantic thing he’s ever done.  Right away I’m aware that he’s trying to pick one of the girls to take out tonight; The whole conversation made me laugh

“Yeah, she was surprised; I guess I’m just that kind of guy; Tough on the outside but I’ve got this love side…Deeper than the ocean”

Really? You give me a bad name. But He got me thinking; What’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever done?

I can’t decide, I’ve done a lot; Although, I think one might take a high spot.

In my last relationship, I drew up a comic of our entire relationship and I hung it up on his wall in order. We went out to eat that night and when we got home, I had his parents ask him to go to the store by himself; It gave me enough time to hang up the entire comic. I handpick the petals off a few white gardenia’s I had bought so I could lay them on the floor. His parents than left to go out to dinner and when he got back home he found the house empty and dark; I was sitting on the stairs when he found me. I had him sit down with me. I reminded him that this was the place where he had asked me out. He smiled and kissed me than I took him upstairs to his room. He was surprised and couldn’t stop smiling. It was lovely. (:

I guess giving roses could be the most romantic thing someone does; it’s just the thought and meaning behind them. It can be a simple poem or just a single object. I’m guessing that’s why we’re less romantic now. We all envision Romantics doing drastic things, we forget that it can be simple; heartfelt.

What’s the most romantic thing you’ve done?





Alone with my thoughts;

2 04 2012

He wanted to join the Marines; He wanted to say he was a Marine; He wanted to be strong for me; He wanted to be a Marine.

I find myself thinking constantly over this; He wanted to join and he had it all planned out. He would graduate and then enlist when I started school, so we would finish around the same time. He’d be back home for my graduation; Afterwards he’d be sent to the ROTC program at Purdue and I could study there; after 2 years I’d go study wherever he was sent and eventually we would tie the knot. It’d be a lovely ending.

Problem? He Couldn’t Be A Marine.

Physically he could; He had the strength and the endurance; He was strong..;

 Mentally he couldn’t; He was on depression medicine and he wasn’t fit for the core; Yet his recruiter fed him lies and wouldn’t turn him down. His recruiter stuffed false images in his head and said I’d never be proud unless he was in uniform; That he couldn’t defend me unless he was a part of them.

I had to stop him; so I did.

I was proud of you. I loved you. You didn’t need to be a marine. We could’ve had a different perfect life. You didn’t need to say you were a Marine. You didn’t need to be a Marine. I felt safe walking next to you. I showed you off; your paintings, your humor, your talents and everything. I couldn’t think of a way to improve you. I had to stop you.

 

In the process..I lost a piece of you;

Now, you’re gone. And we don’t talk and this is one of the small reasons…but here I am; Alone with my thoughts.





I’m running out of time; Donate some?

2 04 2012

Don’t you hate the time limit you have in certain relationships? Where you only have so little time to work with, until you get your relationship to the point you want it to be. Or until you can leave that certain affect on someone;

One of you may be moving away soon, you may reach the friend zone, or someone else may come and take your place; I’m sure there are hundreds of scenarios. Regardless the case, time won’t ever befriend me and make itself abundant.

Worst is when you know something would have happened if you had more time; Or maybe it’s just that you didn’t have the balls to do something faster? No. That’s not it..somethings do take time.

I’m in a situation where the time I have is slipping, and I find myself wondering whats left to do, what’s left to pull? I’m trying to place the idea in my head it’s not the right time for this.  Again, Time; you’re in control. Why not have a little mercy on me?

I know what! I’ll do nothing. I’ll wait it out and let it go the way it’s going. Nothing will happen now, but like those romantic movies; after ten years we’ll find each other again and fall madly in love. All I have to do it just wait, I mean; that’s what time wants right?