Barriers; Right?

20 03 2012

Everyone has a barrier; Whether it’s admitted to or not;  Especially when it comes to relationships.

My inspiration behind this post, was when a co-worker told me the reasons of her break up. Which kind of left me laughing, I know, how rude right? Well let me start off.

1) Talked too much

The boyfriend, claimed that as a couple they talked too much. She kept telling me about how according to him they always talked, non stop! She then continued by saying “We never even talked! Once in a blue moon!” So it left me wondering, was she a nonstop chatter? or did he just find an easy way out? Anyways, I pushed her to continue with the other two reasons.

2) Saw each other too much

He said that they spent too much time together; that they hardly had time to breathe! This was his second reason for the breakup; At this point I was wondering who was telling the truth; Suffocated boyfriend or never see me girlfriend;

3)Dating for too long

His last reason was that they had been dating for too long, and he’d never been in a relationship for that long..(7months) After she mentioned this I couldn’t help but picture the couple. If this was their break up, I couldn’t image their relationship;

I couldn’t stand to listen to her continue to talk about her, what seemed pointless, break up; So I went to the back on the restaurant ( I work at a restaurant)  and I started thinking of all the barriers that relationships have and that people go through; I mean that couple obviously had something wrong; Both sides of their stories were completely different, I started wondering as to what kind of barriers they had and the ones I’ve come across.

Talking:  That always seemed to be a barrier for me, I couldn’t always fully express myself to him; I always felt blocked, it took me hours to get the words I wanted and when I finally started to get them out, I’d stop or freeze; Maybe this couple had a communication barrier? Maybe he felt like he spoke to much and she felt like she never spoke at all.

Experience: This must have been a barrier between that couple; The boy in that relationship probably hasn’t been in many relationships. If he was scared after 7months he must be new to the whole game; This has to be a common barrier in relationships. Couples are hardly ever on the same level; Maybe his longest relationship was a month and hers was two years? There’s bound to be differences there.

I’m sure there’s hundreds of other barriers relationships go through, including religion, personality, wants, and needs. Getting through them makes the bond stronger though; This last couple obviously couldn’t handle it; I’m surprised they made it 7months.

Getting over my barriers took a lot of energy and dedication, and it got harder each time I didn’t succeed at over coming them; What if the barriers were a sign?

Wouldn’t it be amazing if when you were in a relationship with someone, and you had no barriers; that was your sign. That was your sign that you were both perfect for each other; that your relationship would NOT fail.

It would be pretty sick; Save me the trouble; but somehow…All that trouble I went through getting through those barriers made it even better when I kissed him; It was as if the glares in our eyes aligned and my missing puzzle piece fit even better.

The best way to get over a barrier? Push through it, but don’t do it alone. Let them to help you out..It’s a relationship for a reason; It’s part of the romanticism. Going through hell together, but maybe it doesn’t need to be hell? Just don’t let the trying be one-sided.

Those are my words on barriers though; This couple obviously had it’s fair share, although from hearing what I heard it didn’t really sound like a solid couple anyways..Waters are meant to be tested though, and barriers are always built to be broken.


Cold Minutes; Anger Poetry? Yeah; Possibly

19 03 2012

I’m fucking confused and all over the place, in anger, in sorrow; and i haven’t left my house all day.I’ve let my phone go for a day, and my head fucking aches. I’m spinning, and it’s an unfamiliar feeling. I’ve got nothing to show out of eighteen years of my life but a faded heart, and a bum shoulder. I’ve tried to make the best out of myself, and live through my wants, living my dreams and fulfilling my own desires.

Clouded is what I’ve been, and my dreams are fucking liars. I’ve been on a ledge above water;

It’s ridiculous how one person can read this, and throw their disregard.. but they don’t flow their feelings out or whatever.

I do. I’m not hiding them, because I’m not an arrogant, selfish fuck anymore.

and you won’t wake up and realize it’s not all about you. it’s not. this wasn’t even supposed to be about you, and my head is already aching another fucking spell.


16 03 2012

Have you ever wondered how that word came about? Who decided this three letter word would have such an impact on generations to come.

Obviously there was romance in that action; who took it out?

A trip inside my mind on the subject? Yeah; I’m one of those cliche bastards that says there’s a difference between sex and love, Kinda.

My mind’s racing and I can’t even decide what I want to spit out about this subject;

I guess what I’m saying is; Sex shouldn’t involve fishnet stockings, heavy makeup, dirty talk, or even alcohol. You shouldn’t be thinking of your next move or dying to reach your moment of pleasure; Look at them, and realize that they’ll be there when you wake up. That they’ll love you for every moment. That they’re willing to spend every inch of their beating soul with you. You should feel the same; You should be dying for that heart to heart connection that you can achieve through carnal desires;

Again though; I realize what I described above most would call Love; and i agree..But this is where I throw myself off; Because I also think it should be sex.

I can’t even fully agree with what I’m saying, the whole matter just throws me off;

It’s such an intimate, personal subject; Maybe it shouldn’t be discussed allowed?

He didn’t even see me, when I last saw him;

15 03 2012

It’s been three hundred days, almost exactly. Not in the clouds or anywhere under my feet, and I’ve been waking lately, on nobodys mind.

And I don’t even like blogging personally anymore, but I am losing.

And I can’t clean this up, not the fucking loser I am or her is; or how dry I am on luck;

I just watched him die, and I don’t believe in depression, or downing. Just loss; and i want to disappear again.

Don’t you think I’d change it if I could?;;

7 03 2012

I haven’t written in a while, and it feels different; Something I don’t want to get used to..

I know that times are getting hard, all our friends can’t find jobs; and we’re running out of people we can trust; the heat costs more than we can afford and medical expenses are starting to make you feel drowned.

But I’m not giving up. The clouds may never part for us like they used to, and I’m still not giving up on us. we’ve got heartache. we’ve got life. we have memories we haven’t made yet.

We have nights under covers, under stars..and we have days that we never want to end. and I promise we will miss all of this someday, and I promise we will miss these days.

I still remember what it felt like; waking next to you; and I still remember the feeling of your breath on my hair. I still remember what it felt like to have you here; and I still remember everything about our lives. and I will always be there to hold you up, and I will always forgive you when we fight. After all this time, I’ve learned that all those wishes lead were bad decisions and failure; but you’re the one thing I got right.

it’s that time of the night when my eyes start tricking me, all the gray blends into something surreal, like an undiscovered variant of tan, that goes good with black, and i’m tired.